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From: Esquire UK.
As a general rule, if it's popular amongst the presenters of Top Gear (or The Grand Tour, post Clarkson-gate), it's probably best avoided. Never is this truer than in the field of the "show-stopper" shirt, beloved of men who want to come across as the risk-taking eccentric at the family barbecue. Wearing one of these is definitely a risk.
As a second general rule, if it's popular among the presenters of Match of the Day, particularly Alan Shearer, heed the warning signs.
There once was a terrible battle between normal, nice round-ended shoes and the evil pointy, winkelpicker variety that are uncomfortable and seem to have been modelled on the wardrobes of medieval serfs. Sadly, it seems, in large parts of Britain, the pointy shoes won. The effects can be seen on High Streets up and down the land to this day.
Nothing screams "Yes, I've pretty much given up" more to your fellow commuters than this world-weary freebie draped over one shoulder.
When you're embarking on a five-day trek through Snowdonia, it's probably useful to have trousers with 17 pockets of varying depths and multi-zip functionality. In a pub in Wandsworth, however, you look like an arse.
Everyone likes music. But feeling the need to tell the world what music you really like (look!) through the medium of your clothing is best left at Fresher's Week.
It's irritating, but excusable, on an 18-year-old just back from Koh Tao. But on a 32-year-old Account Manager from Letchworth? If you're trying for edgy and interesting, you're hitting slightly creepy.
There was a time in the late Nineties, when bootcut jeans were everywhere. That was 15 years ago. To be wearing them now with your rear hem frayed and dragging through puddles is borderline sociopathic.
Football shirts are one thing, but the 'leisure' range of spin-off polos and fleeces for lounging about the house in? Somehow much, much worse.
Ties aren't, and never will be, funny. Even the subtlest attempt to bend this law will backfire spectacularly.
You bought them in the sale. Once you got back in the gym routine, you told yourself, they'd fit like a glove. When you wear them you walk like John Wayne during the haemorrhoid years. The charity shop is calling.
Probably black, probably got a wobbly second button and probably faded around the collar because you've been wearing it since 2003. Mix it up a little.
So hard to pull off, they should come with a warning notice. Wearers are most likely to be mistaken for a tinker, tailor or recently divorced University lecturer.
If leather jackets are a minefield, their low-quality imitation equivalents are an unrestricted warzone.
Are you an Italian power-boat racer, having dinner in Portofino during a mid-August heatwave? Then you'd better take them off.
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