As eBay approaches its 21st birthday, you could forgive us for thinking it's finally becoming more responsible and mature. The days of it selling Justin Timberlake's half-eaten toast or a suit of armour for a guinea pig for thousands should be long behind it, right?
Well, maybe not. Sure, those brand new iPhones going for under their retail price give you hope. A 50-inch plasma screen TV offered at GBP99 even more so. But then, you notice someone's trying to flog a single vegetable for GBP85.
"But it's a genuine voodoo carrot with magical properties, honest."
"For goodness sake, eBay, GROW UP."
Of course we know it's not the auctioning site's fault, just some of its eccentric users hoping to make a bit of money. In that spirit, here are 11 things you'd be mad to buy on eBay.
1 | KIM KARDASHIAN HUMAN CENTIPEDE T-SHIRT
Don't be alarmed. Kim K is not the protagonist of a new Human Centipede instalment. Could you imagine Kanye's reaction? Wow.
One of the most bizarre film franchises ever created has inspired this equally weird t-shirt, which features Kim at the front of a human centipede. This particular seller has only managed to attract three buyers so far, meaning there's still plenty of lawsuit-awaiting t-shirts available. But imagine how disappointed your mother will be. She doesn't deserve that.
Buy it now price: GBP6.99 | Check it out here
2 | VOODOO CARROT
Here is the 'voodoo carrot' in question. Described as genuine and one with 'magical properties', the seller urges those without a real knowledge of magic and arts to stay away from this apparently highly sought after item. According to 'some people' the carrot can even change the weather in the hands of the right person.
It's amazing what such an ugly-looking carrot can do these days. More amazing that there are nine people keeping tabs on it.
Buy it now price: GBP85.00 | Check it out here
3 | TWO PAIRS OF USED BOXER SHORTS
Not only is buying used underwear a bit grim, but just look at the design of these boxers too. The medium sized under-garments will be finding their way to their second owner this week, but don't worry they're in 'good clean condition and have been freshly laundered for this auction.'
That may be, but the it'd take some laundering to fix these eye sores. While we're worried that someone out there is actually after plenty of cut-price kecks, what's more likely, and more worrying, is that there grungy undies are awaiting a new fetish-based fate.
Current auction price: GBP2.99 | Check them out here
4 | BEAUTY AND THE BEAST VHS TAPE (1992)
Yes, you read that right. A 2015 Tech Times article suggested Disney VHS tapes, especially Beauty and the Beast, might be worth a fortune due to their rarity. But surely everybody was well on the Disney bandwagon by the '90s? People of a certain age have likely still got the Disney tapes of this era.
And as Ice Cube poetically preached in the same year as this Disney classic was released on VHS, check yo' self before you wreck yo' self. Translated, check your loft before you blow 15k on a tape.
Buy it now price: GBP15,000 | Check it out here
5 | A NOKIA PHONE THAT'S ALSO A WORLD DOMINATING SUPER WEAPON
We've all heard the jokes that an old Nokia mobile phone could survive a nuclear explosion, but this seller believes his old phone could be the cause of such destruction too. And he assures us this ISN'T a joke. There's a little black button on the back of the phone that's pretty hard to press. So that obviously means the world will end should you manage to do it.
You'd be more than mad to even think about buying this. Unless, of course, you're the UK Government and want to explore alternatives to your Trident nuclear deterrent.
Buy it now price: GBP3,829.95 | Check it out here
6 | CHEETOS SHAPED LIKE A URINATING MAN
Obviously the only thing to do when you're tucking in to your favourite snack and find one shaped like a man having a wee is put it up for sale on eBay, right? Yet this seller had to be persuaded by his friends to auction it. Crazy.
Anyway, the California-based crisp is on the market for just under GBP2,000. But even in an age where footballers are being bought for GBP90 million, this price can't be justified. The lad doesn't even have any arms. Rip off.
Buy it now price: GBP1,911.68 | Check it out here
7 | USED FALSE TEETH DENTAL PLATE
No, that really is a set of used false teeth up for sale. Used as in, they have previously been in somebody else's mouth. Gross.
It's also a terrible attempt at a sales pitch. The dentures are described as 'used, worn and in need of a clean' and the supporting images aren't at all flattering. I'm out.
Buy it now price: GBP24.99 | Check it out here
8 | VINTAGE 1977 RONALD MCDONALD BALLOON INFLATING CLOWN HEAD
You deserve a lot of credit if you can still stave off a phobia of clowns after seeing this item. The 21-inch-tall Ronald McDonald balloon inflating head was originally used to advertise McDonalds restaurants. How we didn't avoid an obesity crisis is anyone's guess with creepy displays like this onsite.
And why 12 people are monitoring it is another mystery. The thing is genuinely terrifying.
Buy it now price: GBP248.94 | Check it out here
9 | FIRST EDITION DARK MAGICIAN AND BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON YU-GI-OH CARDS
Paying GBP800 for a couple of playing cards that aren't Pokemon is a sure sign of madness. Even though the Dark Magician and Blue Eyes White Dragon are two of the Yu-Gi-Oh's best monsters, the asking price is still ridiculous.
You can't fault the ambition of this seller, but he should really have done his research. Individually the cards are collecting around GBP10 each.
Buy it now price: GBP800 | Check them out here
10 | RED LIPS PORCELAIN URINAL
One to avoid if you've had a few drinks and are feeling a tad mischievous. Your partner, parents or pals will not be impressed when this arrives at the front door. And for the price, nor will you the next morning.
That's assuming you have to be intoxicated to want to buy this ludicrous item. How long would the novelty of weeing in to a mouth last anyway? Not long enough to justify the GBP1,340 it would set you back that's for sure.
Buy it now price: GBP1,340.48 | Check it out here
11 | BANK OF SCOTLAND GBP5 NOTE, EDINBURGH 1995
Collecting old coins and bank notes is a popular hobby, certainly among the older generations. But this antique seller on eBay is surely hedging their bets? A GBP5 note being sold for double its original worth might seem fair at first glance. But the notes issued in 1995 are still in circulation.
It'd take a pretty impatient collector to pay a tenner for a fiver. We can't imagine too many Scots are entertaining this deal. Get tae...
Buy it now price: GBP9.99 | Check it out here
From: Digital Spy.