How To Have A Brocation
If there’s something that we should learn from the fairer sex, it’s the art of going on a great getaway (minus the numerous selfies and wefies, of course).
BY charles moran | Dec 27, 2016 | Sex & Relationships
Cast members, L-R: Bjorn Shen (Singaporean chef), Philip Ng (HK martial artist), PK (Thailand TV host and DJ), SonaOne (Malaysian rap artist) and BIlly Crawford (Filipino pop star).
The reason why you should go on a brocation? Because you can. You’re probably gonna do this once (or maybe twice) in your lifetime, depending on your lifestyle. It’s not every day that you can let loose and hang out with the boys, especially when there are bills to pay and a girlfriend/wife/children to feed. At the end of the day, the point of a brocation is to have fun and stay friends for life.
Things to do
Before you guys get all psyched about a weekend filled with chips and chicks, it’s wise to think about the type of brocation that you’d like to go on:
The Food(ie) Trip. If you and the boys are the types who would drive two hours just for a plate of Ipoh chicken rice, then consider a food trail. With the bottomless stomachs that you have combined, you’d be more than ready to attack the best street food that this majestic country has to offer.
The Adrenaline Junkie Trip. If you boys are all for dangerous activities that get your hearts pumping, then it looks like it’s a weekend of physical activities for you. Not only will you be bonding with the bros but, at least, you can shed a kilo or two while you’re at it. (Hint: Look up “Skytrex” and “Tadom Base” on Google).
The Sip-and-Lounge Trip. Good if you belong to the envious category of men with a bank account that could rival a politician. A luxurious martini-sipping, country-club-type getaway might just be the kind of brocation that would be rejuvenating for all of you. Golf and spa included.
The Viva La Genting Highlands Trip. Suit up, pretend you’re James Bond, and head over to the casino in the hills. Do us a favour and don’t act all bravado by shocking your mum/wife/girlfriend with an enormous gambling debt because you weren’t manly enough to stick to your limits.
The “Thailand” Trip. Remember how you’d hear about your high school/college seniors talking about their rendezvous with their friends in Thailand? There’s a bunch of weird and fun things to do in Thailand (besides that, of course), but if you’re broke and hankering to go somewhere close, looks like your decision’s been made.
Malaysia's SonaOne joins the cast for his "passion, cheeky demeanour and love of adventure."
Essentials for a brocation
The dos and don’ts for the freakiest time of your life.
DON’T plan a strict schedule. Unless you’ve taken it upon yourself to be the Monica of the group (which is no fun, by the way), don’t be rigid with the itinerary. Dudes will do as they please, so have a rough plan, but keep it flexible.
DO tell your wife/girlfriend. If you have the pleasure of being single, good for you. If not, tell her where you are, but assure her that you’ll be safe. The last thing you want is to come home to disappointment and regret for hiding the fact that you were on a vacation with the boys.
Don’t invite a non-bro. Every guy on your trip should be total bros with each other. Inviting a dude who isn’t already one with the group could cause awkwardness and discomfort that will make the trip unpleasant. Bro trips should only be shared with the dudes you love most.
Always have beer and chips ready. You never know what might happen. Like a thunderstorm ruining your plans or having a wave of laziness overtake all of you. The least you can do is download a few movies onto your iPad and hook it up to the hotel TV.
Never leave a bro behind. Yes, you’re all grown-ups, but it’s a general rule of friendship to always look out for one another, even if one of you is puking your intestines out in the dodgy club’s bathroom. Or if there’s a creepy woman who’s boring the hell out of your pal at the bar.
Rules for hooking up while on brocation
Because, obviously steamy things are bound to happen.
Always, always have a condom. The rules apply at home, and the rules apply while on a brocation. Buy a value pack since the whole lot of you may need it. Make the 3AM run to the nearest 7-Eleven if you need to.
Don’t (or try not to) hook up with one of your bro’s female friends. It’s a small world, so you might just bump into anyone, including a female friend of your pal’s at the bar. You may get some crazy ideas, but it’s best to vet them through before getting handsy. Unless he’s absolutely okay with you hooking up with her, don’t think about it. It’s awkward and plain weird.
The morning after. Unless you’ve figured out your room arrangements and, if it’s a girl-free zone, find a hotel. Don’t give in to doing it behind the bushes or in the stall of a dingy club. Then again, you could just go back to her place.
Don’t hook up while drunk or high. This is for your safety, because, as we all know, being drunk or high may cause you not to take precautions while you’re out having fun. If you’re okay with Father’s Day coming earlier than anticipated, then by all means.
Don’t let hook-ups overtake the purpose of your brocation. It’s silly and desperate (not to mention, rude) to blow off your buddies for a girl that you met at the bar.
Originally published in the December 2017 issue. The Ultimate Brocation airs on KIX HD (Astro Ch 729), Wednesdays at 9PM.