Man at His Best

The 2017 Champions League Final: Old Lady Gets Real

Some ready-made wisdom for the big European showdown

BY Finlay Renwick | Jun 2, 2017 | Film & TV

Image by Getty

Real Madrid; Juventus; Cardiff; football - it's the one we've all been waiting for (since the other week). But have you made the right preparations for this Saturday's Champions League final?

Since most of us don't follow the Italian or Spanish leagues that closely, chances are you're not as informed as you could be about the two European juggernauts vying for eternal glory. So we've devised a full-proof plan to help you sound like the smartest guy in the room come the big day.

Covering Dybala, Marcelo, rotation and the Bale dilemma - here's a ready-made selection of sound bites to help you dominate the conversation.

Everyone's going to love it!

And you!

Everyone's expression whenever you say anything this Saturday

"I know what you're thinking lads: 'Ooh, I like the look of Real Madrid's purple away kit.' Well they've lost two games this season wearing that albatross."

Bonus: refer to every player by their first name, especially 'Gigi' Buffon. This is never annoying.

"The problem with James (never Rodriguez) is that he's a luxury player." Say this every time he appears on the screen.

You Legend (Image by Getty)

"You know that an Italian team has won the Champion's League every seven years right? Starting with Juve in 1996, then AC in 2003, and then Inter in 2010. You didn't know that? Bit embarrassing."

Bonus: pick a team and then say "we" whenever bringing them up in the conversation.

"It doesn't matter how many Scudettos Juventus have won, you've GOT to show it on the big stage."

You're a luxury player, James. (Image by Getty)

"I see Bale being introduced in the second half. He can really stretch that Juventus backline with FRESH legs."

Bonus: Refer to Zinedine Zidane as Zizou. This is never annoying.

"I'm just going to come out and say it: Marcelo for Ballon d'Or. Have you seen a better left back this year?... exactly."

Image by Getty

"I prefer Allegri's earlier work with Sassuolo; he's gone a bit mainstream with Juve."

Bonus: put on a Spanish accent when pronouncing 'Isco', with each S getting progressively more lisped every time you say his name.

"Can you believe Barca let Dani Alves go on a FREE!?"

"I've actually been following Paulo Dybala since his Palermo days."

Bonus: start calling yourself a 'Madridista' when Sergio Ramos inevitably scores a 93rd-minute winner... you know it's going to happen.

Image by Getty


From: Esquire UK