Man at His Best

11 Terrible Movie Cameos That Never Should Have Happened

Acting? Subtlety? Dialogue? You wish.

BY Hugh Armitage | Nov 23, 2016 | Film & TV


We love a good cameo. Spotting a familiar face sneaking across the screen is a bit like watching an Easter egg get up and walk, with maybe a nod or a wink.

Then there are the bad cameos, less winks than they are people with minimal acting talent waving their hands and screaming, "Look at me, I'm famous." Here are the most egregious examples.

 

1. Madonna – Die Another Day

The best thing to be said about Madonna's cameo is that at least it was reserved for the worst James Bond film of all time. In pretty much any other outing for 007, her unspeakably flat and awkward appearance as a fencing instructor might have stood out like a sore thumb. But instead it had plenty of company thanks to diamond-faced villains, invisible cars, tsunami wind surfing and Halle Berry.

Which doesn't mean it isn't still shocking.

 

2. M Night Shyamalan – Signs

The Sixth Sense director is known for making appearances in his own films. Unfortunately, he isn't similarly known for his acting talent.

His Signs cameo might be his worst. Whatever you think of Mel Gibson, he looks like Laurence Olivier next to Shyamalan's blinking, stuttering Ray Reddy. Why he decided to cast himself in the pivotal role of the accidental killer of Gibson's wife, we don't know.

 

3. Kanye West – The Love Guru

Oh Kanye. You compare yourself to Picasso and Jesus. You want to be viewed as the most serious artist ever.

And then you show up in this Mike Myers stinker screaming, "I love hockey." We will never understand.

 

4. Michael Jackson – Men in Black II

Some background: the king of pop originally turned down a role in the first Men in Black movie, apparently not wanting to be portrayed as an alien in disguise. But then he saw the film in Paris and apparently was left weeping as the credits rolled.

This story comes straight from director Barry Sonnenfeld, who says he explained to Jackson that it was a comedy, but agreed to let him cameo in the sequel. The result was as unsettling as you would expect.

 

5. Anthony Kiedis – Point Break

In our book, Red Hot Chili Peppers' Flea (aka Michael Balzary) counts as a bona fide actor, with a respectable filmography under his belt.

Not so his band mate Anthony Kiedis, as his brief turn as "beach thug with odd speech patterns and exaggerated hand gestures" goes to show.

 

6. Mike Tyson – The Hangover

"Hey, Mike Tyson, how about appearing in our movie? You'll sing along to Phil Collins, punch Zach Galifianakis in the face, and then stand around without anything to do for a couple of minutes."

Whatever the pitch, Tyson said yes. He has since admitted to being high on cocaine during filming, which explains quite a bit.

 

7. Quentin Tarantino – Django Unchained

Tarantino—while not as face-chewingly awful as Shyamalan—is another director who loves to show up in his own movies.

In Django Unchained he spotted the perfect moment to try out his Australian(?) accent. His role adds nothing to the film but there is a silver lining—Jamie Foxx shoots him and he explodes. Never has a smoking hole in the ground looked so sweet.

 

8. Bruce Willis – Ocean's Twelve

Someone thought it would be hilarious to have Julia Roberts's character pretend to be the actual Julia Roberts in order to steal a Fabergé egg. Unfortunately, Bruce Willis shows up as the real Bruce Willis to rumble the whole operation. Are you still with us?

To make this crap meta-joke worse, it turns out Bruce-Willis-as-real-Bruce Willis just stands around mumbling and leering unsettlingly at Julia-Roberts-as-fake-Julia Roberts. The whole thing is rumbled when he spots fake Julia writing with the wrong hand.

NEWS FLASH: the real Bruce Willis neither knows nor cares whether the real Julia Roberts is left or right-handed.

 

9. Cheryl – What to Expect When You're Expecting

The last gasp of our Cheryl's attempt to crack the States was this appearance as a judge on the fictional Celebrity Dance Factor (a title the writers agonised over for milliseconds).

Alas, even her giant bob and best shocked reaction shot couldn't win over the stony hearts of those Americans.

 

10. Ben Affleck – Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back

Kevin Smith get top marks for the idea of his movie within a movie 'Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season', but goddammit Affleck, you could at least pretend not to hate every second of it.

Nevertheless, we still want to see that movie.

 

11. Everyone – Absolute Fabulous: The Movie

The makers of the Ab Fab film clearly issued an open invitation to anyone who wanted to make a cameo. Unfortunately, they didn't quite get around to writing any material for them.

Which is a shame, because when the screen isn't cluttered with non-actors standing around not acting, the film is surprisingly enjoyable.

 

From: Digital Spy