Sneak Peek
This Way Out: The Ken Doll
One of our most controversial interviews took place in our September Fashion Issue. In "This Way Out", we talked to the Ken Doll, who was quite a foul mood, as he took on Toy Story, Barbie and even George Clooney. He even spared no mercy to the terrified folks at Esquire. The Ken Doll, in all his glory:
Fifty and not a single grey hair. Yes, George Clooney, you can f*** off and go sob in the U.N. Building.
Plastic’s fantastic. Silicon’s overrated.
Do I wish I could touch my nose? Sometimes. But try doing my kind of splits without going for a vasectomy. I won’t be held responsible.
Toy Story 3 raised my profile, true. But I have issues with Lasseter and his team. They forgot to include my sugar daddy jacket in the wardrobe scene.
There’s no way Barb’s is smarter than me. And even I wanted to slap Keaton for being so whiny. Stop crying!
Misrepresentations, par for the course in Hollywood. Used to it by now. That’s why you gotta have the contracts.
The face wash is a simple mixture of lacquer thinner, soapy water and some raw eggs. I think the results speak for itself.
Chest hair. Yuck.
It’s not that I’m ashamed of my last name. But if you must know, it’s Carson.
The Gianfranco Ferre grey pinstripe suit is my favourite. One hundred percent wool, comfort, hugs you like a desperate grandmother.
Do men want to be like me? I don’t know. I know they want my six pack. Some tell me that’s the only thing they see in their dreams.
Here’s a secret: It’s all in the posture. Chicks dig posture. Never hunch. It helps if you’re physically unable to, like me, but that’s not the point.
Tipp-Ex does wonders for your teeth.
I know what the biggest thing on your mind: Where’s my ding-dong? My beef whacker? It’s a little odd, I must admit. You have to ask Mattel. But it doesn’t diminish my manhood.
When I’m lying on a beach chair, sipping my Mai Tai, reading Franzen, and getting text messages from groupies, I am the walking phallic symbol. You of all people should know this, Esquire.
Japan Ken is a righteous idiot. I’ve told him, you look like Tom Cruise from The Last Samurai. With crappier kendo skills.
Me and Barbs, we’ve been through some tough times. But you know, she’s my best friend. Technically, my only friend. Well, there was the time Mattel made Brad, the African-American doll. He didn’t last long. Too pushy.
Barbs has this way of making you feel like a king, like you can conquer anything. When a woman’s favourite word is “yes”, you know you’ve got a good thing going.
Some say I’m an unrealistic representation of men. I’m comfortable with that.
My hair has been dyed nine different times—auburn, light-brown, red, bright yellow... Bloody yuckin’ bright yellow.
It ain’t blonde if you’re perfect.
I think Harley Davidson Ken was an interesting experiment. Baywatch Ken, not bad. But hip-hop Ken was Mattel pandering to the times. I don’t belong to an era. I define it.
I’ve had it on good authority that Justin Bieber was inspired by me. I apologise to all of you.
Get our September Fashion Issue, out in newsstands now.
September 7th, 2011